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Arranged Marriage - What do you do on your first night?

March 22nd, 2009 | 12 Comments | Posted in Love & Sex

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Arranged marriages are really fascinating. We see in the Hindi movies where a group of girls will be giggling and taking the married bride into this room that’s laid with flowers on the bed and a glass of milk. Once they have got her to the room they all giggle and run out of the room and shut the door. The guy then will enter the room while the girl is all shy and waiting for her husband to hold her. In reality though would you just do it on the first night with no understanding of each other.

When you are going to spend the rest of your life together as a couple and both of you hardly know each other, would you just begin by making passionate love. Would you behave just like the movies?

Well the obvious logical answer is “No”. How can you just do it with someone you are going to start loving. We have seen that the Pundits do a lot of calculationsĀ  to fix a date for the marriage. If you are married on that day how the hell are you suppose to do it the same day with no clue of what each one likes when making passionate love?

Different people behave differently we asked a few people to share their experiences and here are some pointers should you be getting married to someone you don’t know that well

This special night is a night to be remembered its like your first date. Instead of focusing on making love focus on telling each other what this marriage means to you. How special you think the person is who is married to you. What were your initial thoughts when you saw this person first. What are the important things you need to know about the other person to get to know them better.

Talk about your friends circle and what you felt on the day of being married. Speak about why today you don’t want to jet have sex but you want to take time for both of you to feel comfortable with each other. Hug each other and communicate how both of you felt about the hug. Hug again and again and enjoy that special moment.

Give it a week or two before you both feel comfortable with each other and then try out passionate love making. All the best for your married life and take things slowly and enjoy every moment of your marriage life. We are all gifted to remain happy and content its how we approach each situation that matters.

Image Credits : HAMED MASOUMI , sharaff , erin MC hammer

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12 Responses to “Arranged Marriage - What do you do on your first night?”

  1. Flazna Says:

    It’s better to marry first, and then love, rather than love some cold monster, who has her/his own agenda in life, to pretend to be in love, and then marry to lead someone to disaster.

  2. sudhakar Says:

    Good. To define this what is going to happen with in the four wall one rigid definition is understanding each other in a close quote rs.

  3. sudhakar Says:

    Good.

  4. greg Says:

    dear flazna:
    a cold monster is a cold monster whether you know him before you marry of after..but…if you know him before the marriage you have an opportunity to avoid the marrying him and find someone who truly values and understands you… whereas if you marry first then your stuck with the cold monster…theres no quarentee you will love after the marriage……this is an old line they tell you to get you to agree..and the worst part is you will have to sleep in the same bed with someone that you might not even love ever…talk about being used for your body when you husband may never love you either…now that’s really cold!!!

    …from experience the sex is the most incredible close feeling and experience if you really love the person and they return the feeling…so you are setting you self up for just settling in life…when things arent your choice like arranged marriage… your not living your life but just going through the motions in safe mode…but if you are able to really love before, then marriage is the greatest !!

    my friend is indian..she says she only knows one happy indian couple that was arranged(and they kinda liked each other before the wedding)..she says her parents were never happy nor her friend parents..also pakistan and india have high rates of prostitution..much higher than the usa…pakistan is the country where the search term porn is used the most according to google stats…bahrain in the middle east is like a suburb of prostitution for KSA ..why is that.. if arranged marriage is so great?

    you also stated…people who date you then marry you have his/her own agenda..pretent to be in love…really you are naive..it seem you have been listening to some gossip with out having any experience nor bothering to do research on these cold monsters b/c you never talked one or know happy couples that dated, fell in love, and got married with no agenda…just love and marriage…it happens more often than not in the west…actually it is less risk for a man not to be married in the west since the laws favor the women…so it would make no sense to pretend to be in love to marry the person….the only people with agendas are the parents and family of the arranged bride/groom and who want the couple to pretend to be in love so the parents can feel happy…

    please wake up and break free from your limited, narrow thinking…filled with assumptions based on rumors created to quell you into submission and used to have you give up your true self not even allowing you to find it…please do not claim i suffer from culture insensitivity because…in history there has been many cultural practices that are flat out cruel, violent, and stupid..it doesnt mean we have to accept or condone them …arranged marriage is from the dark ages… if you want to keep it..give up your cell phone, computer, car and electricity and go live in a village like its a thousand years ago ..because arranged marriage is from the same thinking and behavior as that time !!!

  5. Hmz Says:

    Yes I Agree with Greg
    give up your cell phone, computer, car and electricity and go live in a village like its a thousand years ago.
    my best regards Greg
    Hamza

  6. trspzn Says:

    Yea, i am arranged married. We didn make love the first night we got married. We talked in fact he didn touch me at all, because i was very nervous and scared. But he is a very understanding person. We talked, got to know each other well and it happened naturally after some time. The thing is not whether it is before or after marraige. It is whether it is the right person and whether you know the person well. Making love should be in a natural way, there should be love, understanding and care.

  7. jay Says:

    it’s a nice opinion.

  8. mag Says:

    bravo greg!!!!!

  9. vulnerable Says:

    damn! you hit me greg!! you are absolutely right!! kudos for that.
    i highly condemn indian traditions!! i have lost him because of the fucking arrange marriage. His mother is threatening him {my bf then} to commit suicide if he disobeyed the tradition. i have spend my time, efforts and true love with him and turn to nothing. He is choice less and so am i. now, im still bitter but trying to move on.
    very ironic and full of stupidity. the hell of traditions respect!!

  10. helena Says:

    go greg!!!

    it purely depends on the person’s POV. if you’re okay with it then go ahead.

    and as for sex on the first night… well, that’s a tough one.
    all i can say is flirt like you would normally and try not to get too touchy..

    ~*

  11. EgyGirl Says:

    I’m also losing my bf of 3 years to an arranged marriage. He will not see or talk to this girl until the wedding night. She is his 2nd cousin, I believe. He’s from Saudi Arabia. I’m so distraught, because after putting in my time, emotions, and efforts to make our relationship work, I have to give him up to a girl who doesn’t know him and did nothing to earn his love.

    He is too weak to go against his family’s wishes, especially his father. So his response was, he has to do it to make his family happy. He seems to be procrastinating the whole thing for as long as possible…and I am still in love with him, and wish like anyone else would…that I could marry the person I spent so much time with.

    He also mentioned…if he doesn’t love the girl, he’ll just leave her and marry another…he speaks about her as if she is just an object to have sex with. In this case…this is a person who doesn’t need to be in an arranged marriage. He never treats me or speaks to me in this way…cause there is more meaning…so you would think…stupid family pressure!!!

  12. HappyGuy Says:

    @EgyGirl

    Aren’t you lucky you don’t have to spend the rest of your life with such a non-committing guy! He didn’t have the courage to speak to his family for you…and is going to ruin his life and potentially the life of two other women!

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